How to be Admired and Loved

you can well see that the way to be esteemed and wanted by others is to take an interest in them and in what is of the greatest importance to them.


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A  small girl was brought to my office unexpectedly. I had not  met her  before, and she did not stay long with me. But her mother told me that the child repeatedly said how much she wants to come to me again.

At first I was somewhat  puzzled that the child should have gained such a good impression. She caught me in the middle of heavy day’s work. But then I recalled how, when she arrived, I had promptly tried to forget  my work  and to think of what might  interests her. I had  asked her about her school, about the Girl Guides, about her friends, her hobbies and about her holidays.

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That was the solution! The child liked her visit because I had taken an interest in her.

On another occasion not long  ago, a lady arrived at my house  with a magnificent bouquet of flowers.  I was rather overcome. In expressing my gratitude, I could not refrain from asking her what made  her go to such expense.

“Because you have taken such interest in me”, was her immediate reply.

These are two of many such illustrations which could be given from my own and other people’s experiences. They are sufficient  to show what it is that makes  one admired and loved by others.

You could no doubt find a number of similar instances from your own life. You may not have stopped to think why certain of your friends have been particularly kind and generous to you.

But if you stopped to diagnose the reason, in each case you would probably find that it was because you had taken a sincere  interest in the well – being of the person concerned.

Think, too, of the reverse side of the picture. Think of the last time you spent an evening with some of your friends.  Think of the one whom you admired most and to whom your affections  warmed most. You are almost  certain to find that it was the one who, by actions and words, showed an interest in you, one who tried to help you where you most needed help at that time, and one who talked to you about the things that interested you most.

Dale Carnegie, in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” speaks of a small boy who greatly  admired  a certain visitor. The reason was that the man had taken a great interests in the boy’s toy boats. He spoke of him with enthusiasm. “What a man!” and “How tremendously interested he was in boats!”. The lad did not realise that the visitor was not any more interested in boats than anyone else, but he liked the boy and so was sympathetic  enough to interest himself in what the boy treasured most.

From such  instances, you can well see that the way to be esteemed and wanted by others is to take an interest in them and in what is of the greatest importance to them. This, of course,  demands tact. It is vitally important to avoid giving the impression of being too inquisitive.

Again, to talk to people about the things that mean most to them merely as a technique for winning their regard and affection without any genuine interest in them will show itself as superficial and may well be resented rather than welcomed. There is only one way to take an interest in others, a genuine  desire for the good of others and of a sincere wish to discover your part in  contribution to their good.

It is also important to recognize  that everyone  has a problem of some kind or another with which to deal, and that everyone with whom you associate fairly closely does need  your help in some form or  another. People’s problems are rather analagous to wounds;  there are times when it is good to uncover them, bathe them, and soothe them with ointment. But there are times when it is best to leave them entirely alone and to divert the person’s attention to other  issues.  It is in this readiness to stand by a friend with patience  and understanding, even though  no active or  visible  help may be needed or  the time, that genuine interest lies.

If you observe a person’s actions and study his favourite topics  of conversation, you will soon discern his goal. From that you will be able to understand where his fears of failure and where his obstacles are most likely to lie. Once you understand this you will be in a position to give just that encouragement, sympathy, or help which may be needed.It may be just a kind thought, a kind word, or a kind deed. It is  impossible to tell how great may be the good which results in another’s life from a mere  encouragement on your part.

Thus, if you express genuine interests in others, you are bound to win their admiration and affection. The reason is that by taking an interest in a person, you satisfy two of his deepest  human hungers – the hunger for love and the hunger for a feeling of personal worth.

To satisfy these, even in a small measure, is to make a rich contribution to a person’s life. In return, it is almost certain that you will receive the warmest of responses.

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